i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
