I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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