please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
