she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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