the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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