She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
