Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
