I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
