Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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