I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
