Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
