...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
