I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
