FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
