i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
