JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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