every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
