I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
