We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
