You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is Oprah even human
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
