sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
