she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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