I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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