Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
