There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
