And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
