Define "chronic" masturbator.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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