He uses pillows to masturbate.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
