Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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