Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
