he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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