T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
