did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
