Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
