I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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