hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
