matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
