Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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