Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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