Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
