you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't deserve a penis
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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