i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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