I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
