Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
