I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
