That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
