Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
