you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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