My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
