All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
