are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
