covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
